Slipping Through the Cracks
by Infernezor
Summary: It's the year 2013 and Naruto has been enjoying his retirement over the last few millennia. That was until his door was kicked down and assaulted by armed, military personnel. So now he's out of retirement and looking for the one who disturbed his mountain seclusion.


**A/N: The idea tickled my fancy. Warning: Approach this story with a fresh, open mind.**

"Normal speech"

"SHOUTING"

"**JUTSU being cast"**

"**Demon speech"**

**Chapter One**

**Out of Retirement**

It was far too early in the morning for it to be healthy to be awoken in Naruto's expert opinion. However, he was awake now, and it was time to get up. With a deep groan and a few choice words, Naruto tossed off the comforter and sat up, blinking blearily against the morning light as it invaded through the open silk curtains. Running a hand through his golden-blonde hair, Naruto murmured to himself, "It's going to be one of those days."

Getting slowly out of bed, Naruto stumbled his way over to his bathroom; the cold marble tiles against his feet an unwelcome addition to a morning already gone wrong. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, Naruto checked his reflection in the bathroom mirror hanging from the wall. Azure blue eyes gazed blearily back at him, wild blonde hair framing his face. Though he appeared to be in his early twenties the true number added a few zeros onto the end of that number. The slumbering Ninetails inside of him extended his life well past what was considered normal. At least he wasn't the oldest on the planet. It was something to draw comfort from.

Bijuu. Thankfully those were creatures that had faded from the history books, taking their place in fiction and fanciful stories told as demon stories around fires to scare children. It was better that way. No one needed to know of the battle that had ended the shinobi nations, of when he had fought with Madara and the Juubi for the last time. When he had defeated the former and sealed the later into himself. That had been stupid. He was no Rikudou Sennin. The sheer power the ten tails had began to tear him apart from the inside. The seal he used proving to be inferior to the demon's power. So Naruto had done the best he could. Like the sage before him, he split its power, dividing it once more and sealing those parts into people he had on hand.

They were supposed to meet in a few more years, as a matter of fact –a nice family reunion of demon hosts in one room. Naruto chuckled at how he predicted it to go.

Gaara of the One Tail would stand off to the side of dysfunctional party, drinking his herbal tea, only occasionally mingling with the group. Sasuke of Two would host an unspoken competition with Shino of Seven and Gaara as to who could say the fewest words throughout the night. Sakura of Six, Ino of Five, and Hinata of Four, would catch up on their stories and do their best to keep Lee of Three from drinking anything too alcoholic. He still had yet to develop any sort of tolerance to drinking, a trait he shared with his Demon. Shikamaru of Eight would just watch the clouds. And then, at the end of the party, Naruto of Nine would finish by renewing the seal on them all in a glorious display of chakra fueled lights.

Despite how dull it sounded, it was a lot of fun. Sasuke and himself would always have a spar for old times sakes and somehow _something _would happen half way through the party to make it unique. Last time an American revolution broke out just outside their window. That was unique.

After a quick morning shower, Naruto grabbed an orange tank top and a blue pair of cargo pants from where they were hanging on the swivel chair at his computer desk, he always did enjoy the contradiction of colors; that bit about him still hadn't changed over the years.

Stepping into the kitchen while brushing his teeth with the toothbrush he'd grabbed on his way out of the bedroom – he always kept a brush at the ready whenever the occasion warranted it -, Naruto strode over the counter, grabbed a kitchen knife from the rack, and with a deft flick of the wrist, lodged it into the front door frame. It might come in handy later.

Opening the refrigerator, Naruto pulled out strawberries, a few bananas, and some blueberries. Placing them on the counter to his right, using his foot Naruto opened the freezer, bent down and gathered a handful of ice what was left of a carton of vanilla ice cream. Dropping all of his ingredients into a large, specially crafted round cup, Naruto grabbed a chair and drug it over to where he was ten feet from his front door. Plopping into the chair, Naruto powered up a weak Rasengan – a circular vortex of swirling energy – inside of his cup; the spherical nature of the energy fitting perfectly inside his beverage container. Once his shake was properly blended, he took a sip, enjoying the thick cream his technique created. It had taken him hours upon hours of practice to get the control just right so that he would be able to enjoy his drink, not wear it. Sasuke had thought it hilarious when he first tried it. It had taken him hours to find and clean up the mess he'd made. Sasuke wasn't of much help.

_He can be a bit of a jerk at times._ Naruto decided as he placed his empty cup on the floor directly in front of him. After being sure that the cup was exactly where he wanted it, Naruto leaned back in his chair to wait.

He didn't have to wait long. After a few moments of silence, there came three short and precise knocks on the door. Naruto sat where he was, gazing at the door, continuing to wait.

"Taro Uzaki, my name is James Becket. I would like to speak with you." A short, rough yet businesslike voice came from the other side of the door. Whoever the man was he was using Naruto's public name, therefore he was probably someone Naruto didn't want to talk to. He was retired, after all.

**Line Break**

James Becket was not thrilled with his current assignment. He was supposed to go and collect some upstart kid. Flipping open his phone, Becket examined his targets face and profile. _Freaking pretty boy._ Becket swore to himself. Taro Uzaki had fine, highborn features, light blonde hair, annoyingly blue eyes, and – if his character profile was to be believed - was quite disciplined in martial arts. Taro was also apparently a fan of tribal tattoos if the intricate markings on each of his shoulders and wrists were anything to go by.

Becket had to repress a snort of derision. He was an ex-marine for fucks sake. Baby-sitting pretty frat boys was not what he specialized in. If the brat needed to be killed or interrogated, he could do that. He was not an escort service. But today, his higher-ups insisted that the boy was to be brought in, no questions asked and by any means necessary. Of course, his boss insisted that Becket do it the nice way, but wouldn't be upset if the kid came in a bit roughed up.

"Couldn't even have the decency to live in an easily accessible location." James grumbled as he walked up the cobblestone path leading to the mountain-side cabin. With a brief knock on the door, James waited for Taro to show. James was not a patient person. After a few moments of standing there like a bloodstain on a combat-knife, he called the boy out vocally, as he'd been instructed by his superiors, "Taro Uzaki, My name is James Becket. I would like to speak to you." Weren't college-aged kids supposed to be ecstatic about receiving guests?

"Go away." Taro called. "I don't want any well-wishers or distant relations."

"I am here to collect you for a job you have been requested for." Becket answered.

"I don't need one." Taro said shortly.

"I assure you, my employers are willing to compensate you for your time." Becket called back. What his employers wanted with the boy, he had no clue.

"Who you work for?"

"Gato corp." Becket responded bristly, itching at the back of his fight hand. His trigger finger was twitching.

On the other side of the door Naruto nearly choked on a lung full of air. Gato corp? The fuzzy memory of some toad-like man in a purple suit came to mind.

"Not interested." Taro called.

"Not an option." Becket snapped back. This was taking too long. "I was told to bring you in, with or without your willing consent."

"Come and get me then." Taro responded airily, arrogantly in Taro's opinion.

Becket growled, undoing the clasp and drawing his side pistol with a practice swipe of the hand. If the Uzaki boy wanted to play, Becket was only too happy to respond.

**Line Break**

Naruto could feel the man's growing agitation on the other side of the door. It was funny really, how easy it was to infuriate someone by not giving them what they wanted immediately. Judging by the man's voice and speech patterns, Becket was probably ex-military of some kind, probably the Marines.

He always could have followed Becket to find out what kind of company would be running with the name Gato corp, but then again if he chased after every coincidence he'd spotted over his years then he would be a very busy person indeed. Gato corp was probably just some up-and-coming military company that were all the rage now 'a' days recruiting fresh talent. As Taro Uzaki, Naruto had cultivated a decent underground fighting history for the name. Tae Kwan Do, Jujitsu, all the good stuff that was so popular on television and had probably attracted some attention to himself. Now it was coming to bite him in the butt.

The door smashed open, sending splinters everywhere. Becket came through the wreckage quickly, gun drawn and looking none too happy. He was a hulking man, Becket. Standing at six-nine with thick, bulging muscles easily visible through his well-tailored black suit, piercing green eyes glaring out from a lean, slightly unshaven face, a long scar running along his bald head, Becket cut quite the imposing figure.

Naruto kicked the cup just in front of him that he'd placed there earlier, sending it bouncing off of Beckets head, dazing him as well as emptying what little remained in the cup all over his face and suit. Taking advantage of Becket's temporary surprise and blindness, Naruto darted forward, delivering a deft blow to Becket's weapon wrist, batting it to the side. The blow caused Becket's finger to clench reflexively around the trigger, discharging the weapon. A deafening crack reverberating through the tiled kitchen. Ignoring the missed shot with practiced ease, Naruto dodged Becket's wild, left-handed haymaker, ducking beneath the blow and giving Becket a Chakra Enhanced blow to the right kneecap eliciting a sickening crunch from the appendage as it broke. With a surprised cry of pain, Becket fell his knees, bringing him face to face with Naruto.

Naruto smirked; reaching out with his hands faster than Becket could mount a defense, he twisted Becket's head around with a quick movement, snapping the neck. Becket's large body crumpled to the ground with a muffled thump, his limp head bouncing off the tiles.

Automatic rifle fire tore through Naruto's walls, bullets streaking above Naruto's head with alarming closeness. He would probably be dead if he hadn't still been on one knee after killing Becket.

_Apparently, they don't take rejection well._ Naruto though glibly as he dropped completely to the ground and rolled out of the line of fire. _I haven't been shot at this much since Kings Mountain! The loyalists seemed to have unlimited ammo._

A small cylindrical object crashed through his window landing bouncing across the floor to skid to a stop in front of him, spewing smoke all the while. It was a gas grenade, tear gas by the coloring.

_An incursion force? They obviously still want me alive. _Naruto marveled._ How much have they spent just to get me? More importantly why? Either way, Taro Uzaki needs to die._

Naruto vanished in a flash of yellow, appearing on the hill a few hundred meters away from his home, where he'd placed a Hiraishin mark at the base of a flagpole. He also just so happened to teleport just behind where three snipers were crawling up towards the ledge to get an angle of fire at his house.

_Perfect. _ Naruto thought. _ I'll show them all how to truly trash a house._

A seal later and he'd activated all the explosive seals he'd hidden in his house. They were everywhere. In the baseboards, the attic, the bathroom sink, the kitchen utensils, his toothbrush, the statue of the creepy cat that Sasuke had given him for his second hundred birthday. Sasuke had given him that statue when he was still upset about the whole sealing the Nibi into him incident. Naruto had grown rather attached to the creepy feline over the centuries. It was a shame it had to go.

And go it did.

The house exploded spectacularly, sending flaming bits of itself everywhere in a violent show of force.

"Holy shit!" The sniper at the far left swore. "The fuck happened?"

"I don't know." The one on the right answered calmly. "One of the shots must have nicked the gas line and the muzzle fire from the insertion team set it off."

_A strangely well thought out reply. _Naruto mused to himself as he crept towards them, balanced on the balls of his feet. _If completely wrong._

"Do you think the target is still alive?" The one in the middle asked.

"Fuck no!" That was the first one again. "Did you see that explosion?"

"It seems unlikely that the target survived." The third one agreed.

"But the boss said..." Naruto never found out what the boss said as the first one turned around and spotted him.

"The fuck?" He exclaimed, cutting off his partner's complaint.

Naruto lurched into motion, becoming an orange and blue blur to the three men. The first two were dead before the third realized what happened. The third died before he could voice his surprise.

Naruto stood on the back of the second sniper, whose back he'd snapped with his bare foot when he'd landed on him. His left hand hovered above the first's neck, which he'd broken with a quick chop. His right hand's index and middle finger plunged firmly into the third snipers eyes, scoring into the brain. Silent and efficient, completely not Naruto's preferred style. He preferred to at least offer his opponents a chance to surrender. Sasuke had been rubbing off on him over the millennia.

_He's still a jerk._ Naruto thought, wiping the blood and brain matter off his fingers, using the corpse's shirt.

A two-way radio on the third sniper's belt squawked. A tinny, static-filled voice bursting across the line, "Sniper team, report, over."

Naruto picked up the radio, finding and clicking the talk button. " This is Sniper team reporting complete and utter failure, over." Naruto said cheerfully into the radio. No point pretending to be them. It was obvious they had failed. Why not have some fun with whoever was running this fiasco? "We and the fore team have been stepped on, blown up, and stabbed, not necessarily all in that order. What? Oh, god, the target's coming over here! He's so handsome and powerful! What are we going to do? Over." Naruto yelled in an increasingly panicked voice.

"Mr. Uzumaki." A clear, mocking voice came over the previously static filled line. Naruto's playful grin disappeared. "Awww, Mr. Uzumaki. Say something else, come on, say something witty."

Whoever this person was he knew Naruto's real last name. That was bad.

Naruto lifted the mouthpiece and said, "Your men are dead."

"I suppose they are. But then again, I never really expected them to survive. They were simply a test, and you passed with flying colors." The voice sang lightly. The voice almost seemed to be enjoying himself.

"I won't work for you." Naruto replied evenly.

"You misunderstand." The voice informed him. "It wasn't that kind of test. I know enough about you to know that you probably wouldn't join me. I just had to confirm that you exist and had what I want, that's all."

Naruto hesitated before asking, "You sacrificed two teams of people just to see if I'm real?"

"Pretty much."

Naruto frowned. No one would call him an idealist anymore. He'd achieved his world peace when he'd defeated Madara. Ideology made reality. That peace had only lasted for so long though. After so long, generations and generations passed, people forgot what he'd taught and tried to take control of the present. Only too often were these people willing to use violence to achieve their ends. So Naruto took up reigns of leadership again, defeating the tyrants and enforcing peace upon the land once more.

He could still hear Madara laughing at him through bloody lips.

"Why?" Naruto asked simply.

"Hmm." The voice came through the radio, mockingly thoughtful. "The cliché answer would be 'Why not' but I just don't see why I should tell you. You don't matter enough to know."

"I matter enough for you to send two teams to get me." Naruto growled into the receiver.

"Don't flatter yourself." The voice came through the speaker, no longer airy, thoughtful, or mocking, but empty, almost angrily. "You know, nothing. You have, nothing. You are, nothing. Gato corp… sounds familiar doesn't it? It should. Farewell, Naruto Uzumaki. We won't meet again."

The line went dead.

Naruto set down the radio, stood up and stretched, throwing his arms up with the motion. It would seem as though he had an admirer. That was fine. The Internet was a wonderful invention after all. A little research, some equipment serial numbers he'd pull from the snipers bodies, a bit of time and he would be having a nice face-to-face conversation with whomever the man was who'd decided to ruin his morning. First, he just had to get back to civilization. The mountains were not a place Wi-Fi was indigenous too.

Naruto was out of retirement.

**End of Chapter one**

**A/N: Alright, let me know what you think. I can make this a crossover if I get enough comments on what they want it to be a crossover with, (so long as I've read and enjoyed it) otherwise it'll just be a pure Naruto fic. Yell out anything I might have forgotten and I'll fix it, slapping myself on the forehead all the while. Drop a question and I'll answer it, either through PM or in the beginning next chapter. Reviews make me smile. Have a nice day!**


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